How Did I Get Here?

Sitting in my small square office, with a sliding glass door, three computer monitors, a picture of a window looking out onto the ocean (because I don’t have a real window), a plain white shelf, a shit ton of recording equipment, and my rolly chair. I found myself staring at the ceiling, asking…how did this become my life?

Seriously? Every day I wake up at the crack ass of dawn to come sit in a square for 9 hours a day. How did I get here? How did I end up at this company? With these people?

I am thoroughly amused by the fact that I’m freakin’ boring. Is this what adulthood is like? An endless cycle of work, bills, responsibilities, and boredom? I feel like I’m living a real life Groundhog’s Day.

Now I see why people freelance because of one word, free.

Where is the excitement in everyday life? Where do you people find it? Or do you just save it for the weekends? Or for random vacations? Is this what growing up means? Doing something I am not in love with because it pays my bills? I guess that is a catch 22 when I can’t put a pinpoint on what exactly it is I want (or need) to be doing with my life. I’m settling with my job and I recognize that, but I’m comfortable and change is extremely uncomfortable…and terrifying.


No one teaches you how to adult correctly. No one tells you how to make the right choices, or how to pick yourself up when you fall down, and they really don’t tell you how not to go absolutely crazy in the process.

It’s expensive, busy, stressful, redundant, and painful. I get judged on my outfit choices, where I work, what I eat, who I hang out with, my lack of boyfriends, how many cats I have, or dogs I don’t have, and for writing a blog. Excuse me but…life is fucking exhausting.

Not to mention the societal pressures that come with being a 26 year old. Like holy shit, do we ever catch a break?  Nope.


 

If you can’t own up to your own unhappiness, you are a coward.

I am far from unhappy, and I am far from where I used to be. Looking back even a year I can say I’m proud of what I have accomplished. But I do blame myself for my current situation and that’s a step in the right direction.

Contemplating quitting the job and skipping out of the country…or maybe just a trip to Malibu.

~S

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2 thoughts on “How Did I Get Here?

  1. I remember my son saying to me that he didn’t want to grow up if he had to go to work everyday and lead such a boring life, meaning like mine! Now he is a dad and goes to work everyday, too busy to be bored, but not exactly happy either. I totally relate to how you are feeling. Maybe you can be one of the lucky ones and find a job that you love and is fun:)

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